George Sodini's Evolution of Faith


I just got done reading George Sodini's journal which has been posted publicly across the web after he shot and killed four women (one died on the way to the hospital after the initial reports were released) and injured 9 others. The guy seemed like a very lonely and unhappy man who felt himself a failure in many ways.

It's important to point out that this was in no way a religiously motivated killing. However, in his journal he does mention religion a few times and interestingly the passages that mention religion later in the journal (the day before the event) seem to be vastly different than the attitude he has earlier on in the journal. Here are the excerpts which interest me:

Now that I am on the topic of family and people I know, I might as well make a summary of sorts to show where things stand. This is New Years Eve I have time, no date tonight of course, so:

Honorable mention:

Tetelestai Church in Pittsburgh, PA - "Be Ye Holy, even as I have been Ye holy! Thus saith the lord thy God!", as pastor Rick Knapp would proclaim. Holy ----, religion is a waste. But this guy teaches (and convinced me) you can commit mass murder then still go to heaven. Ask him. Call him at [phone number]. If no answer there, he should still live at [address]. In any case, guilt and fear kept me there 13 long years until Nov 2006. I think his crap did the most damage. Their web site: http://www.tetelestai.org.

Andy Pulkowski - I have been in barrooms and church groups. The worst people by far are the religious types. Especially a right-wing, stiff-faced fundie like Andy. A condescending, demeaning, passive-aggresive person. Frigid, rigid, linear and totally inflexible. Being a very serious person, he cannot hide his frown-lined face. He better not try to smile; lest his face might crack. I knew children of parents who grew up in strict religious homes. Religion has a certain stink to it of guilt, shame, fear, and that moral standard that always contradicts the natural tendencies and desires of a person. Therin lies the conflict. Young person cannot experiment with things to decide on their own and establish their own parameters. So they tend to cut loose and really rebel much worse than the average young person. Ma and Pa never know what goes on. They easily BS their parents because they want to believe their little one is an angel. Andy has a young daughter Bethany Pulkowski away at college, High Point University. I saw her picture on his desk. She's your basic, attractive, young girl. Please reread my entry made on Nov 5th. That's only one thing she can do. You Andy types out there need to further strengthen your strict resolve and do more of the same thing! Because those girls were great when I recall my college years! She is someone's (or many guy's) little ---- now, I am sure.

Another point about andy. How can someone be cold, vicious, sarcastic and generally nasty ALL THE TIME and then make the claim about their church life and how good they are? Total hypocritical idiots.

That's all for now. That felt good.

Now, the entry from the day before he killed those people and then himself:

August 3, 2009:I took off today, Monday, and tomorrow to practice my routine and make sure it is well polished. I need to work out every detail, there is only one shot. Also I need to be completely immersed into something before I can be successful. I haven't had a drink since Friday at about 2:30. Total effort needed. Tomorrow is the big day.

Unfortunately I talked to my neighbor today, who is very positive and upbeat. I need to remain focused and absorbed COMPLETELY. Last time I tried this, in January, I chickened out. Lets see how this new approach works.

Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell. Christ paid for EVERY sin, so how can I or you be judged BY GOD for a sin when the penalty was ALREADY paid. People judge but that does not matter. I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them.

I will try not to add anymore entries because this computer clicking distracts me.

Also, any of the "Practice Papers" left on my coffee table I used or the notes in my gym bag can be published freely. I will not be embarased, because, well, I will be dead. Some people like to study that stuff. Maybe all this will shed insight on why some people just cannot make things happen in their life, which can potentially benefit others.

I'm leaving the posts in their entirety because I feel like context is pretty important with all this. It seems to me like the closer he got to the date of this horrible and obviously painstakingly premeditated act, the more he felt compelled to use religion as an excuse for his actions or at least to try to explain away the significance of what he wanted to do. He ends this journal talking about how this journal and other evidence of his planning the event and his documented mindset will 'potentially benefit' people in the future, yet in the same passage he talks about the unimportance of works in regard to god. It seems like he's almost trying to justify killing other people, as if to say that it's all been pre-forgivin anyway so who cares?

This man was disturbed, a mysogenist and a social outcast, but his views and the change of his position in regard to religion is interesting because it shows an extreme case of how someone can take the highly interpretable word of the bible and manipulate it in any way imaginable to adhere to the personal desires of the person looking for vindication or excuse in the holy book.