Ray Comfort Pamphlet: Americans Blame Hot Dogs for Increase in Cancer

The other day my sweetie was cleaning out our car, a Subaru WRX, when a guy with a painted on smile came up and struck a conversation with him.

Painted On Smile: Nice car man. I saw a thing on YouTube where they showed you how these things are made. Cool machine.

Sweetie: Thanks! Yeah, I wanted to get an STI but this is an '03 and they didn't import STI's from Japan that year...

POS: Yeah, I like the color, that's a Subaru specific color isn't it?

S: Yeah, it's the slightly darker yellow.

POS: Cool. Hey man, I have this brochure I want to give you. Is that cool?

S: (pause) Uh...yeah. Ok, I guess.

POS: (hands Sweetie a pamphlet with the words "AMERICA AMERICA" printed on the front with a crudely disintegrated American flag on the front, bad photoshop job) Cool man, later.

(Sweetie watches man as he walked over to a Ford Bronco two vacuums down)

POS: (to Bronco owner) Nice car man. I saw a thing on YouTube where they showed you how these things are made. Cool machine...

And thus the YouTube proselytizer moved along, tricking proud car owners into seemingly friendly conversations about their vehicles and feigning human interest for no other reason than to litter the minds and/or ground with his ridiculous message.

The pamphlet is produced by this website - the Ray Comfort site! Yay! I feel like my sweetie was confronted by the circus clowns of the conversion circuit.

The pamphlet begins...

See if you can spot the odd one out: earthquakes, floods, droughts, cancer, AIDS, terrorism, war, hurricanes, God's blessing, tornadoes.

I'm sorry, but I can't spot the odd one out - all of those things can be considered or have the potential to be terrible, life threatening occurrences.

Of course "God's blessing" is the oddity.

Oh, because that's made up and the rest of the things on that list are actual eventualities, right?

The pamphlet goes on in the normal, moronic way they usually do - earthquakes happen because you masturbate, god's mad at you for wanting an X-box, And evidently, we're all blaming cancer on hot dogs:

Meanwhile, despite our national sins, a blind and mystified world points to everything from coffee to hot dogs as the reason for the increase in cancer.

Wait, what? I personally have never blamed a single beverage or ballpark delicacy for the raise in cancer. I may have attributed the rise in cancer diagnosis with technological advances in recognizing cancer in earlier stages or possibly a rise in cancer coinciding with the large baby boomer generation reaching a collective age at which cancer tends to develop, but I never blamed coffee. I'm a Seattleite - coffee isn't the cause baby, it's the cure.

Let's skip to the part where we're all a bunch of powerless shits:

Don't be fooled into thinking you can clean up your life. No "good" you do can wash away your sins - only God's mercy can do that.

That sounds a biiiiit...culty. Sorry, but that sounds like a manipulation tactic often used by cults to recruit wanton followers. Step one, convince the person they're a piece of shit. Step two, tell them they can be less of a shit if they follow your religion/god/vitamin regime/etc. Why should you care, you ask? You asshole atheist bastard, you? Well...

The Bible says, "God commended His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." When Jesus died on the cross, He stepped into the courtroom and paid the fine for us. His suffering was necessary to satisfy the Law you and I violated.

So by simply being born - my creation being an unexpected byproduct of my parents sexual fulfillment with one another - I violated a law? Sorry, I violated a Law? No. I was simply born. Born into a world innocent and without any positive or negative marks on my score sheet. Not to get all sentimental mommy here, but I can't fathom how anyone who has ever had a child or has held a baby for that manner could look at that little person and see a horrible sinner who has violated anything beyond its own diaper.

The end of the pamphlet is what really reveals the extent of the absurdity this publication is promoting:

If you care about America, if you care about the children of America...if you care about your eternal salvation, tell God you are sorry for your sins...

In the words of Helen Lovejoy - Oh won't someone PLEASE think of the children?!?

I am thinking of the children, Ray - that's precisely why I am as outspoken as I am AGAINST this kind of self hating religious propaganda bullshit. In the recycle bin you go!

And a note to the YouTube proselytizer that slipped this worthless bit of American flag laden garbage into my sweetie's hands - he really thought you were a nice guy who wanted to talk cars with him. When he discovered you were lying to him just to throw him off and get him to take your culty pamphlet, it hurt his feelings. Way to add to the ever growing stereotype of the American asshole christian.